Faith Counselling

'I watch, waiting to see that spark of humanity that is in all of us.”

The above is a paraphrased quote from a film currently on release in the UK, As Good As It Gets. For me, it describes an aspect of the counselling process that takes place in Islamic counselling as well as other forms of counselling based on a spiritual path or model of counselling routed in an understanding of the health and ability of the human being. It is the process of seeing the person, seeing beyond the presenting problem or the identified pattern or inability. It is seeing the human being within their true capacity and ability - in their God given light. This is incumbent on any counsellor who is working with knowledge of the relationship between themselves as a human being, their environment (human and otherwise) and their source of existence.

The quest for understanding of the self and its relationships with creation and the Creator again are not unique to Islamic counselling. In fact it is not unique to counselling or any of the current practices of counselling and therapy. This is a common theme for many people, pursued in many different ways, in which the tangible and intangible often meet. This is a quest for meaning that crosses both belief and thinking. People are looking for meaning, otherwise there wouldn't be much need for therapy and counselling; otherwise there wouldn't be a call for faith or religion as well as many other things in life.

'He who knows himself knows his lord.'

Islamic counselling is based on the study or science of the self (the nafs-self., nafsiyat-science of the self. arabic). But it also goes beyond the study of the self to worship; the context of meaning in its absolute form being not limited to the actions of an individual but existing in the relationships between the person, their world and the reason for existence itself

The above saying of Prophet Muhammed is indicative of the imperfection of the human state in comparison to divine perfection. It is through our appreciation of our shortcomings in all the best and worst of ourselves and the desire for more than that, that we gain understanding of our relationship with the Absolute. The word in Arabic for Lord contains within it the word for bringing one to one's full potential and nurturing. Self-knowledge is therefore central to Islamic counselling. The development of an understanding of the self enables the person in the quest for meaning not just in relation to the apparent meaning say in relation to understanding and working with their response to a bereavement; but with regard to the greater significance behind it. It is through our 'selves' that we are able to interpret all things in every possible level of meaning.

Consider the human self and how it is formed in accordance with what it is meant to be.

And how it is imbued with the consciousness of God. 91:7-8 Quran)

Islamic counselling is about seeing the person in their God given potential, uplifting or inspiring through assisting them to see this for themselves and working with them to see the meaning of the situation that they are in and their actions within it. By working in this way, a person is able to see themselves all that they can be and is then enabled to act on that. In working with meaning and the will in people to perfection, Islamic counselling is about the best in people, the discovery and re-discovery of the humanity within us, that spark that is life, the aspect of us that is closest to the divine. This ongoing conscious practice in itself is the dedication of actions to the divine known in Islam as ibadat or simply worship.

Islamic counselling is a transformative process that comes from the fact that we all come from one self and in our differences and similarities are able to truly see each other. This 'seeing' starts with the counsellor.

'A man does not seek to see himself in running water but in still water. For only what is itself still can impart stillness to others.' Chuang-tse The Wisdom of China and India.

The counsellor is a guide in working with the self in the knowledge that each one of us is the interaction between that which is best and its opposite. In fact much of the dynamics of Islamic counselling is specifically about the relationship of oppositions. The value of the counsellor is not the fact that they have experienced similar situations to the people who seek their assistance but that they have gained a greater understanding of the self. This understanding is subtle and has often been referred to as removing the veils from the heart, for the fact that it brings into question not only what we know of ourselves but our attitudes and intentions and actions. The implication of this is that the Islamic counsellor will not be able to 'see' unless they have worked with their own ego and the motivation in such a way that the counsellor can be humble enough to be of service. The counsellor must actively be working to his or her own self knowledge. The process of counselling is at once both generous (based on giving without expectations) and selfish (for if counselling is a service, it is in the knowledge that in serving we are served).

This ability comes from the first concept and most central concept within Islam Tauhid - unity. There is no God but Allah. This does not mean that the only God is the Muslim God, but that there is One Creator, One Source, One Absolute, One God. One of the things that this statement means is that everything is interconnected, that although we don't always see it the laws of cause and effect are in effect. In the Quran, Allah tells us that we will never find change in the way of Allah. One of its meanings is that everything comes back to the ultimate source, and through Allah everything has meaning and harmony. It means cosmos, not chaos. In terms of the self, the social self, the psychological self, the political self flow one into the other, so long as we refer to that inner unchanging quality within. In Islam, as in most spiritual paths, human beings are described as the as dogs. This doesn't mean that the earthly side is looked down on but that our interactions in life are about duality (oppositions). It is this which gives us choice but our deeper yeamings are for the divine. This means that we work holistically and that we aim to enhance the search for harmony. Islamic counsellors hence may take on a multifaceted role in that they provide advice, information, advocacy, consultancy, counselling - body, mind, soul working with the interpersonal at a social and/or political level.

Yet in the light of Tauhid, Islamic counselling cannot be described discreetly. It is about freeing the spark of humanity, letting go of patterns and attachments including to the counsellor and/or the process.

It also means that in this freedom we work on the premise that change in the individual can and does change their entire world. In the Quran, Allah tells us:

'That is because Allah never changes the grace He has bestowed upon any people until they first change that which is in their souls and that is because Allah is Hearer, Knower.

(8:53)

It is perhaps our individualistic naïve perception of Tauhid Unity that leads us to see ourselves often as the centre of our own worlds. Though this perspective is limited, it is of great significance. Because of our unific/ holistic nature, we respond optimally to counselling which incorporates change as well as awareness, action as well as self-discovery. This means that an Islamic counsellor will work with a person to create behavioural change. Correctly focused action in essence is the meaning of the second half of the statement Laillah ha ill Allah, Mohammedan Rasoolillah, the way of Muhammed, the emulation of the actions of an inspired Prophet.

The process of change within Islamic counselling recognises the interplay of a number of integral aspects of the self. In one respect the self can be seen as the soul divine and permanent. Though it is this it is also the wider meeting space of our personalities, emotions, thoughts and desires. Within the Islamic school of thought the soul the seat of all of our knowledge of correct action is found within a healthy heart. When the heart is healthy it is free and unattached, served by the intellect and master of emotions. A self that is so governed acts in a balanced way, a way that can be described as virtuous. Acting in a way that is virtuous can best be described as acting with the correct courtesy with regard to the situation with respect to oneself and others, one's environment and one's lord. When people act in this way, the self is not agitated because one is acting in the knowledge that one has behaved in the best way possible.

Having identified the objective of balanced action, the work takes place within the reality of that person's own experience of themselves and their imbalances. A healthy heart allows the mind or intellect to carry out the problem solving of everyday living while maintaining focus on the person's development. A person in balance uses their external and internal senses to act correctly. The person is able to witness themselves and their actions in an objective way. They are neither driven by extremes of attraction or repulsion. Conversely, when the heart is unhealthy in certain situations, the person becomes driven, their actions are not balanced and they are unable to witness themselves.

It is these testing situations that are indicative of our strengths and weaknesses. Our weaknesses are apparent in our limitations and our strengths in the desire of the self to be in balance. Afflictions enable us to grow. The Arabic word for affliction is adhab', which also means sweetening. It is at this point that the counsellor must be able to acknowledge the affliction but not be bound by it. They support the person by focusing on the higher both in terms of meaning and in terms of the fuller picture of that person's true self whilst working with them to contain and transform the lower aspects of the situation. In doing this, the counsellor will often be working with the inner senses, i.e.

· al hiss mushtarak - the faculty of common or unifying sense. This allows us to bring together in a cogent and sensible form our perceptions derived from both internal and external senses of a given thing or situation.

· khayal - the faculty of imagination. It enables us to imagine different forms and formats of things and to place these into different contexts. It enables visualisation and conception and is the key to belief.

· wahm - the faculty of attributing meaning or value to something. This can therefore be the source of delusions, misinterpretations. It is the capacity that connects the intellect with the faculty of imagination.

· hafidhy - the faculty of memory.

· mutafakkira - the faculty of reflection.

These need to be constantly examined and kept lucid.

'The main purpose of all these inner faculties is to help us relate to our constantly changing world. If our common sense is in a healthy state, our faculty for imagination is reliable, our ability to place values on forms is sound and flexible and our reservoir of information and memories from the past are constantly updated. We may then reflect

in an efficient way. Then, too, our affairs will be spontaneously put in order. We will merely have to listen for an inspirational signal to sound in our hearts and will know the most appropriate course of action to take. But all of this cannot be confined to an intellectual exercise; it needs to be acted upon for it to be of any use.'

Cosmology of the Self by Shaykh Fadhlalla Haeri.

Every correct action or virtue is at the centre of a spectrum of behaviours or actions with negative consequences. The process of examination of the inner senses is a continuous one. It is easy for the heart to become unhealthy and in doing so become attached, if not to a perception of the self then to certain feelings or thoughts, old patterns. This can often lead to doubt or denial which prevents the self from reaching its full potential or hypocrisy which is the inability of the self to square its divine yeamings with its own mundane limitations. This leads to a hardened heart which is therefore not fully available to the essence, the spark of life. The counsellor enables the person to work with this through the process of the greater jihad, the battle with one's self by taking the person to the opposite of their pattern so arriving at the centre point.

Often the counsellor will be of assistance simply in the action of being a witness reflecting back, a clear mirror of the person's truth. However, intrinsic to this is the quality of compassion. Unless people feel that the reflection back is given with unconditional love, the message becomes distorted. The way in which the counsellor is able to provide this is based on two things. Firstly, the counsellor's own courtesy based on his or her actions within the boundaries of correct action. This is often considered as courtesy at the most obvious level. Secondly, because of the counsellor's humility which arises from structured practices designed to remind them that we all come from one self, that the client's 'problem' is one which could have been theirs and indeed that ultimately the labels of counsellor and client are meaningless.

The process of Islamic counselling, though practised for centuries, has only in the recent past been defined in the context of therapeutic intervention. Historically the science of the self was taught to individuals by a person who had mastered the same in the form of an apprenticeship forming 'silsila', of golden chains going all the way back to the Prophet Muhammed. Until 1995, the process continued here in the same way. A number of us have been taught by such a person and we were given permission to teach Islamic counselling (though this does not make any of us part of the silsila).

Islamic counselling has been taught on Foundation Courses for two years and has been practised for many years in organisations such as the Muslim Women's Helpline. Approximately one year ago, An Nisa, a Muslim community organisation, committed themselves to facilitating the development of a certificate course in Islamic counselling and gained funding from the Mental Health Foundation to support this venture. CPCAB, the accrediting body, had the foresight to validate what has now become the first independently certificated Islamic Counselling Course. The course has now completed its first two terms at BACES College in Brent.

References:

As Good As It Gets, released by Tristar Pictures 1998.

The Quran

The Journey of the Self, Shaykh Fadhlalla Haeri 1989.

The Wisdom of China and India, Chuang-tse

Sufi Cosmology of the Se@, Shaykh Fadhlalla Haeri 1993

Abdullah Maynard

is an independent trainer and consultant. He is the tutor on the Islamic Counselling Course and co-ordinated and taught on the Certificate in Counselling in the Context of Racism.

Applications of Islamic Counselling

Objectives

§ A brief exploration of the context that Islamic Counselling operates in.

§ Answering the question “who is it for?” based on real life studies of three categories of people who approach us.

§ An invitation to experience some of the techniques we use.

What is the context that Islamic Counselling operates in? For some the bursting of the 80’s economic bubble has led many to a search for meaning, with people choosing to re-evaluate and even reshape their lives from high stress consumer life styles, to ones of more simplicity, based on inner values. We have also seen over the last ten years a massive proliferation of meditative spiritually based approaches to life and business. Self help books workshops retreats, martial arts have in some ways become part of the consumer lifestyle that one is expected to accessorise. For others still, this has been something observed, but not achieved. Not everyone will see the need for, or be attracted to, spiritual development. Many people have very negative and very real experiences of religion; others are interested in other things in their lives. For many young people this has been irrelevant as they struggle with their own search for identity and purpose in the context of poor prospects and great aspirations.

So where does Islamic Counselling fit in and who is it for?

Youth workers in particular will be aware that in itself counselling is a stigmatised activity, more so when it is Islamic Counselling, and perhaps even more so for Muslim communities who may not even accept its validity. Many youth workers will be more interested in and already applying counselling skills in informal settings. I therefore want to take a practical approach in this talk by drawing on real life examples and by inviting you to experience some of the techniques we use. I hope that this will give you a flavour of what we’re doing, more than anything I could say. It’s often said that spirituality can not be a spectator sport, so I hope you will bear with me and the confines of the setting and share in some of what we do. Before we do that let me talk about some of the reasons why people approach us. They mainly fall into 3 categories:-

§ those who have that metaphysical quest, who are searching for meaning,

§ those who acknowledge some problem or difficulty in their life,

§ those who see the Islamic Counselling as a route to develop their Islam or teach others (dawa) through the practice of counselling.

People studies -

Because of confidentiality I’ve changed some of the details of the people studies, but all of them are essentially true. My first people study is of a man in his 40s, professional and successful but who now really wants to explore the meaning beyond “everyday experience.” I’ve picked this case study because this man did not come to us because of the “Islamic”, but because of the spiritual content of the work. Nor did he have any problems as such – he has a happy family life, enjoys most of his work, has friends, time for himself, and is generally a balanced and together person at a stage in his life when he feels he would like to know if there is more, if what he senses to be true in the quiet moments in his life really is, and whether the sages, spiritual teachings and practices can open dimensions of life, understanding and experience that he has not touched before. The way we would respond to this man or people in a similar place would be to share some of the exercises and teachings with him and enable him to work out whether this was right for him. There is a message that I want to get across here which is that part of the courtesy of working in the way that we do is that there is a huge respect for people and their journey. This man continues to search and to question. He has not bought the package, nor have we tried to sell him it. There are others who have “fallen in love” from the moment they encounter what was perhaps already in their hearts. Actually I would say that this man too has been transformed. God says in The Quran, “there is no compulsion in the din” and tells us that only He is aware of what is in people’s hearts. For us, we must just sing our song.

“I didn’t question, I didn’t think, oh what about the scarf?, what about this? What shall I do; there was no choice…And again finding the sharia was an answer to a prayer of when I cried out….where am I in this, where am I in this harmony that I see in front of me?”

Rabia Redpath.

People Studies -

My second study is of A Muslim Asian couple, who have problems in their relationship where both have met and married for love, but have different expectations in terms of their lives; one wants his wife to practice more Islamically, and the wife is resenting the intrusion on her freedom. They came to us for counselling because they were in real trouble with their relationship and didn’t have anywhere else to turn. They were both considering divorce but really not wanting to separate. They were coming to us perhaps with slightly different agendas; the man because he felt secure that there would be an Islamic focus to the counselling and that perhaps we would see his side more than if they’d gone to a secular counsellor, “I keep telling her to pray, but she doesn’t listen to me”, and the woman because she felt she might get heard more than she had from the Imam they had gone to see. In this case we were able to work with the couple in a way which enabled them to work on their relationship by moving out of the he/she’s wrong and I’m right by exploring her feelings of betrayal that he had suddenly become “Islamic” and would oppress her and his feelings of fear that she was not fully committed to him. We asked him to see her as someone who loved him – else why was she there? – but also as someone whose respect he could gain by finding teachings that he could share with her which she would be attracted to, rather than ones which would make her feel he was trying to control her. We asked her to invite him to events they both might enjoy and to be open to the teachings he was sharing with her. In a way giving these examples is deceptive because I can’t possibly share with you how different each and every situation is. Suffice to say that people come to us with problems which cross the whole range of human life. Some of our clients are Muslim, others not. Obviously the way we would work with a non Muslim client would not be to ask them to share Islamic teachings. One of most lovely Islamic Counselling techniques of working with depression for example, is to ask clients to get up at what we would call fajr – incidentally the etymology of the word is crack or break – the closest English equivalent is crack of dawn or morning has broken – and simply to witness the increasing of the light around them. For much of the year we are constantly in an environment where we are present at the darkening of the sky, at sunset, when many people will say they feel a sense of ending and sadness, but asleep for the magical time when light grows. This witnessing of fajr often supports people in depression in ways they testify to but cannot fully explain.

I have said that there is a great need out there. One of the greatest rewards of developing the courses is that we know there is a huge need out there but very few Islamic Counsellors or even spiritual counsellors. Within our communities we have become trapped by clinging to culture that was no longer relevant, that had become hierarchical or sexist, in complete opposition to the teachings of Islam.

Further, the kinds of problems that were arising were ones that imams had not necessarily been trained to deal with.

Housing policy in Britain and social norms mean that communities do not or cannot look after each other as they might have before. On the other hand, in mainstream organisations, clients were finding that at best they would receive a secular response, with no meaning for them, or at worst they would be patronised and misunderstood and still receive no response. In the meantime there were many people who were suffering and alone. One of the rewards of the work that we and others, such as the Muslim Women’s Helpline, the Muslim Women and Families’ Helpline, Parkside Health Authority, is an inner determination and intention to be responsive to all Muslims and non Muslims, within our limitations, whatever their background, denomination, or indeed level of belief.

People Studies -

The third type of person is one who sees Islamic Counselling as a route to develop their Islam or to teach others (dawa) through the practice of counselling. We have met so many people who are sincerely searching for a route to learning more about their Islam in a way in which allows them to grow and share their knowledge and learning with others in a way which is also of service. Some of our students who are here today are in this category. I won’t embarrass anyone of them, but relay instead to you the story of one of our first students who was a young woman who had rejected religion in her teens and who “reverted” to Islam just prior to coming on the course. She wanted to learn about herself, wanted to learn her din, and she wanted to serve her community at the same time. One of the most important things for her was to be with a multicultural group of people who were committed to similar things, with whom she could share her experience, and who would accept her. One of the most crucial, and painful, aspects of her journey was to learn how to discriminate between what she was searching for and the attitude of some born Muslims, and in fact to transcend this to a point where she was not broken by their judgements of her nor was she overly critical of them. One of the teachings of Al Ghazzali is that in the knowledge of the self one’s enemies can be one’s best teachers, , and it was the development of this teaching which helped her the most. Indeed Allah says in the Quran:

“And We created you male and female nations and tribes that you may know one another.”

For me, for her and for the group, this was a spiritual transformation of issues of race and Culture which went beyond recognition of the complex interplay of power dynamics between cultures, faith and identity, went beyond recognising the injustice and oppression of individuals and groups, to something for her, within her own heart, which she transmitted to others. And it is true that without exception every sincere student, teacher client and counsellor has benefited in similar ways. I will never forget the student who came to learn Islamic Counselling following the death of her 18 year old son – her faith and certainty were so palpable that all of us resonated with that as we learnt how to honour that gift. May Allah bless her.

There are also those come to Islamic Counselling because they have wanted to teach others, but where this is an excuse for wanting to impose their beliefs on others in a way which betrays the root meaning of the word dawa which is interpreted in practice as proselytizing, but which means invitation. Indeed, whether we are spiritual or not, most of us have an aspect of ourselves which wishes others to share in what we do or believe, from ideological beliefs, to sharing a cigarette break. But some of our most “hard line” students – and they won’t mind me describing them this way, have also been on a journey where they have discovered that perhaps their approach was because they had felt oppressed, or because they feared losing control, or because they had become self satisfied. One of the most beautiful things said of the prophet Mohammed (pbuh) was by his wife Ayesha RA who said of him, he was like the Quran walking, i.e. that he had integrated the Quran into his being, that he was a man who loved God and loved to express this in countless courtesies to his fellow human beings. There is a beautiful verse in the Quran in which Allah tells us that there are those who are in worship standing sitting or in the marketplace and yet another in which Allah tells us that there are those who when they pray simply bend their knees. The verses tell us there is more to worship than outer compliance, more to faith than five slots in a day. So part of Islamic Counselling, as indeed on all counselling courses, is to challenge oneself, and be challenged. This is particularly if the intention is to become a counsellor, particularly if one is to be given the responsibility of working with the heart; the most precious, the most vulnerable and also the strongest part of us. It is a testimony to the courage of students in this category that they allow themselves to work with more subtle aspects of themselves and others and to allow compassion and love to guide them through. Part of all this is to engender a huge sense of accountability, and privilege of being allowed to work with people in this way. And although I believe everyone succeeds, it may not be right for everyone to be a counsellor. Some people will want this first and foremost for their own selves, for their friends and family, or in their everyday work interactions. Indeed, the only possibility is to start with oneself:

‘’That is because Allah never changes the grace He has bestowed upon any people until they first change that which is in their souls and that is because Allah is Hearer, Knower’’ 8.53

Ultimately people are interested in counselling and psychology because they want to understand themselves, whoever they are. Counselling courses and psychology courses are always popular; at university I believe psychology is the second most popular option after medicine. Maybe what is different about the applications of Islamic Counselling is that it is based on Tauhid, on unity, on the knowledge that we come from one self, and that because of this innate yearning for knowledge which is never satisfied by information and which is constantly disturbed by the vagaries and incredible intricacies of life, that it works. Maybe it is that for whatever reason one comes to this, the spiritual connection some how overrides, and in spite of our mistakes beautiful things – hasanat – take place.

Exercise in Focusing Attention

One of the key aspects of Islamic Counselling is awareness. Just as a photographer will select her frame, so does a human being. Every moment of consciousness is a change of frame, but some aspects of ourselves are more permanent than others. Some of these “habits” are positive, and bring about harmony which means at one ness, and others bring about dis –ease. Because we come from the one self, there is no real barrier between us and others.

Exercise in seeing the best potential

Our main focus is Islamic spiritual counselling which aims to see each person positively in the light of their true potential, to uplift them and ourselves so as to enable release of God-given healing capacities to solve their own difficulties. Each person has the innate capacity to heal in relation to their own life.

Imam Ghazali says, “know o beloved you were not created in jest or at random, but marvellously made for some great end.” In the Quran Allah tells us “You were created of a tremendous nature” – with a potential beyond that of the angels, with a consciousness which is mysterious even to our own selves, and knowledge of which we cannot do without.

Sabnum Dharamsi December 2003

Central London Relationship, Marriage Counselling Service WC1 Est 1995